I am spending my child support on dildos
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My ass is underappreciated
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
