I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
