I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
