If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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