there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
