Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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