Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
