Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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