I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
