I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
