I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
