I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
