Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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