she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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