I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
