So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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