We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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