found the other keg... it's in the tree
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
