I hope mine doesn't look like that
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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