wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
