Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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