I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
