It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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