so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
