My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
