last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
