He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize