So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
