i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
