Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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