Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
