she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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