HIV tests are more positive than that guy
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize