I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
