yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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