I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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