I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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