phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
