I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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