I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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