We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
