i will never coherently bang her
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
