Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
