I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
