Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
