Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize