i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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