His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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