We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
