just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
