Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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