after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
