I don't remember. Are we still dating?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
