You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
