this just has baby written all over it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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