Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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