Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
