you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
