Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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