I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
