Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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