Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
