What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
