I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Your penis caused this!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize