This girl is more easily done than said...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
