I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize