i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize