You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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