who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize